It would be a shame to skip a great opportunity because someone in HR was trying too hard.
Photo Credit: The Preiser Project
This is a guest post by Isaac Bullen.
Dreaming of a career change? Be careful of what you wish for.
Check out these amusingly deceptive job titles along with their actual descriptions, including average pay rates from ehow.com, and companies that were hiring for some of these positions.
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Job titles you haven’t seen before
Name: CQ Job Title: professional laugh inducer.
— Colin Quinn (@iamcolinquinn) June 12, 2016
1. Title: Knob Head (seriously!)
Description: Transportation specialist. Ok, I remember being derogatorily called this name as a young person. Who knew that with the right training a person could actually grow up to be one?
Average Pay Rate: $44,000/year
2. Title: Ideation Director
Description: Marketing Executive. Idea + Generation = Ideation? This is why the marketing people should not be left unsupervised for long periods of time.
Average Pay Rate: $120,070/year
3. Title: Integration Synchronicity Specialist
Description: Systems Engineer. It looks like the technology department has fallen prey to the marketing department’s “ideations.”
Average Pay Rate: $90,000/year
4. Title: Business Communications Conveyer
Description: Courier. It’s honest work for those who do not want to be stuck in an office. The dream job tends to sour on bad weather days, however.
Average Pay Rate: $25,710/year
5. Title: Public Sanitation Technicians
Description: Garbage Collector. This has to be the most under-appreciated job on the planet.
Average Pay Rate: $29,000/year
#evolveuxconf My job title just got changed to whiskey aficionado / troublemaker. Love it.
— Patrick Neeman (@usabilitycounts) June 16, 2016
6. Title: Office Hygiene Control Specialist
Description: Cleaner/Janitor. Again, this is honest work for those who want a physically active job and the opportunity to snoop around offices after hours.
Average Pay Rate: $21,970/year
7. Title: Office Administration Facilitator
Description: Office Orderly. If you are fortunate enough to have obtained such a cushy position, just be thankful for the moment. With companies downsizing and managers expected to multi-task, the office orderly may be an endangered species.
Average Pay Rate: $28,136/year
8. Title: Theft Prevention and Surveillance Officer
Description: Watchman/Security Guard. As long as wealth distribution officers or thieves as they are so disrespectfully called exist, the good security guard will always remain employed.
Average Pay Rate: $52,000/year
9. Title: Dreams Fulfiller
Description: Financial Services Consultant. According to the “Occupy Wall Street” crowd, the financial services industry may indeed have made someone’s dream come true at the expense of 99% of Americans representing the middle class.
Average Pay Rate: $81,802/year
10. Title: Printed Document Handler
Description: Typist. Yes, this occupation still exists usually in the form of a court clerk or data entry analyst. To be competitive in this field, one has to be extremely fast and accurate. I’m talking smoke coming from your fingers fast!
Average Pay Rate: $43,000/year
aaaand today my job title will be: pic.twitter.com/SK0v1aZImR
— Maggy (@maggyvaneijk) June 14, 2016
11. Title: Change Catalyst
Description: Business Executive. Lately “change” in business equates to layoffs. I’d venture to call this position the “termination catalyst.”
Average Pay Rate: $110,550/year
12. Title: Bat Cave Scavenger
Description: Fertilizer collector. This job requires identifying a bat habitat and proceeding to collect the bat’s poop. The bat’s guano is supposed to be a rich source of natural fertilizer. This position was featured on “Dirty Jobs” with Mike Rowe. This is clearly a very nasty career choice and no cool, black “bat mobile” is included.
Average Pay Rate: Unknown; pay may vary by bat cave.
13. Title: Food Preparation Officer
Description: Cook. This is one of my most esteemed professions.
Average Pay Rate: $40,000/year for a specialty food service catering cook.
14. Title: Office Access Control Specialist
Description: Receptionist. This is the infamous door keeper dreaded by outside sales professionals.
Average Pay Rate: $25,095/year
15. Title: Family Environs Upkeep Manager
Description: House Maid. An even more politically incorrect description would be simply “Mom.” For the record though, the description is officially “housekeeper”.
Average Pay Rate: $21,840/year
These last 5 positions with funny job names are from companies which were hiring.
cool, the CEO of the company i used to work for here has changed his job title and is going by "Visionary"
— nude gingrich (@hatwell) June 7, 2016
16. Title: PHP Ninja
Description: Web Application Developer
Average Pay Rate: $60,000/year
Hiring Company: SurfMerchants LLC
17. Title: Vision Clearance Engineer
Description: Windshield Replacer
Average Pay Rate: $50,000/year and up
Hiring Company: Redline Executives
18. Title: Nutritional Intervention Advisor
Description: Weight Loss Consultant
Average Pay Rate: $19,000/year
Hiring Company: Jenny Craig
19. Title: Tonsorial Artist
Average Pay Rate: $19,998/year and up
Hiring Company: Baxter Finley Barber and Shop
20. Title: Canine Relocation Specialist
Description: Dog catcher also known as animal control.
Average Pay Rate: $34,020/year
Hiring Company: State and local governments
Did the lists inspire a career change or a sigh of relieved contentment for your current position? At the very least, you may be tempted to revamp your resume using some of these creative titles.
Peter Mahovlich named "special advisor to ownership" in Florida. Never heard of that title before, ever.
— Ken Campbell (@THNKenCampbell) June 16, 2016
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About the Author
This article was compiled and written by Isaac a blogger who writes for a number of UK businesses including AON Hewitt, a business who specialise in employee benefits and auto enrolment. Isaac spends much of his spare time reading blogs like JobMob and cycling when the weather permits. His LinkedIn profile is available at http://www.linkedin.com/in/ibullen?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss.
Question of the article
What’s the strangest job title you’ve ever seen for your own profession? Tell us in the comments.
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